You're PREGNANT!
by The Layman
Summary: After a scuffle at an Itex lab, the Flock finds out that Max is pregnant. Or is she? Either way, the Flock is in for an interesting ride...
1. How it all started

Max POV.

"Are you sure this is the place?" I asked Fang once we arrived at the secret Itexicon lab in Washington. The state, not the initials.

"Positive, this is exactally where the bloggers said it would be."

"Forgive me if I don't think that two or three people from your blog telling us that they think there might be an Itex lab somewhere near the Washington/Canada border is reliable intelligence."

"Do you see any other buildings around here that say 'Itex' on them?" he asked. "Besides, this whole area is off limit to hikers and such. There's probably something here that someone doesn't want anyone else to know about." Darn that logic. One of these days I'm just going to stop listening to him.

Yeah, like around the same time his kisses stop making me feel like I'm on Cloud 9.

"Hey, what's taking so long?" Gazzy asked from some branches higher up on the tree we were in.

"We're still trying to I.D. the building," I told him, trying to sound leader-ish.

"We know it's the right building, Max just doesn't want to admit my bloggers knew about this before she didn't," Fang said with an evil smile.

"So not!" I shot back quickly. I really didn't feel like that, but on the other wing I didn't have any credible evidence to shoot down Fang's statement. I decided to change the subject. "Look," I pointed to an icon at the bottom of the screen on Fang's laptop, "there's a wireless signal here, we could have Nudge hack into their server from here just to be sure."

"Max, you don't have to do that," Angel said from below me.

"Why's that, Honey?"

"Because there's a whole bunch of Erasers down there." The building was about a half a mile away, but because our raptor vision is a about a dozen times better than a normal humans, it only seemed like a quarter mile or so. And this is without binoculars.

I looked at the building again and saw a bunch of people through the windows walking to and fro. Most of them were wearing white coats, (darn those white lab coats), but there were a few that were only wearing normal street clothes. And out of those few, there maybe about fifteen or twenty that looked much, much bigger then all the others.

"Now can we go check it out?" Fang asked. Seriously, one of these days....

"All right everyone," I said, motioning for them to come together. Gazzy lead Iggy by the hand, "here's the game plan. We're going to sneak into the lab, learn all we can, and then blow it all to kingdom come. Gazzy, Iggy, that'll be your job once we get inside." They beamed like a magnesium flare when they heard that. "Angel, you go with them and make sure that nobody sees you guys." She nodded.

"Meanwhile, Fang and I are going to snoop around and find out anything and everything we can before we're discovered."

"Hey, what about me!?" Nudge shouted.

"I want you to stay here and try to hack into their system, try to find out what they're doing here."

"But couldn't I just do that from inside? It's not like they won't have any computers in there."

"She does have a point."

"Stay on my side here, will ya?" I whispered to Fang under my breath. I turned back to Nudge, "They have a wireless network here, right?" She nodded. "And you don't really like getting into fights all the time, right?" She nodded again, this time more reluctantly. "Besides, the less people we have in there, the less likely it'll be that we get noticed. Statistically speaking." She still wasn't looking happy, and I realized that my last statement might, just might, be taken the wrong way. I decided to play my trump card. "And didn't you just have a manicure?"

She agreed my plan was best.  
_______________________

Half an hour later we were creeping through the halls of the building and looking very, very bored.

To tell you the truth, I was having a major deja-vu moment. Every hall looked exactly the same as the next one, and all those looked exactly the same as the ones in every other Itex or School owned building we've ever been in. If it weren't for the arrows that sometimes appeared on the floor, I would probably have had a nervous breakdown.

We searched the cookiecutter labs and supply rooms for about an hour with no interesting results when I decided to see how Angel and the guys were doing.

_Angel, are you there?_ I thought.

_Hi Max!_ she thought back.

_How are you guys doing?_

_Iggy says that he and Gazzy seeded their half of the building and they want to know what to do next._

The boy were done already? Where did they get all those bombs?

"What's up?" Fang asked.

"Angel says the guys are done on their end and want to know what the next step is," I told him.

"Tell them to pack it in," Fang said, sounding slightly agitated, "there's nothing here."

"Come on, there's got to be something here," I pressed. "I mean, Itex wouldn't have built a lab in the middle of nowhere if there wasn't something they were trying to hide." Then suddenly something sparked inside my brain. I grinned wickedly, "You're just mad that your 'Mighty, Infallible Blog" was actually wrong about something!"

"No," he said simply, heading down another hallway.

"He is," I said to myself as I followed after him.

_Max? Are you still there?_ Dang, I forgot about Angel.

_I'm here, Sweety. What is it?_

_Um, Iggy wanted me to tell you that he and Gazzy set all the bombs to explode in ten minutes, so we should probably get to a safe distance soon._

_Thanks, Sweety, we're just about to do that anyways._

"Hey Max," Fang shouted from further down the hall, "I think you should see this."

_Angel, you guys go ahead, Fang and I are going to check out one more room._

_OK, just don't take to long._

When I got to the room my eyes almost fell out of my head in surprise; inside the room was the central computer core for the entire building.

"Jackpot!" I said, and promptly began to search for something I could take back with me. Fang, however, found it first.

"This looks like a backup drive or something," he said, studying the device he found. "It probably has data on whatever's going on here, we should take it with us."

Suddenly an alarm started blaring and I could hear footsteps running towards us.

"I couldn't agree more, let's boogie!"

We raced out of the room and headed down the hall just in time to Erasers round the corner and shout that we were here. They were big, they looked angry, and they had guns. Oh, and they were right between us an a door.

Don't you just love it when life goes right?

If you know what that feels like, drop a line.

"'Number 21'?" Fang asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why not?" I said, and we both charged straight into the throng of Erasers.

The fight was actually going pretty well for a while, until I remembered that The Flock Demolition Inc. had set half the building to explode.

"Fang," I shouted, let's wrap this up and-ah!" Out of nowhere I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my arm. I looked down and saw a small dart sticking out of my upper arm. It looked like it had something in it too.

But before I could even think of what it was, I slumped down on the ground, my muscles half limp.

"Max!" Fang shouted when he saw me go down.

"Let's go," I said as I struggled to get to my feet. He grabbed me as he ran past and soon we were outside and in the air before the Erasers knew what was happening.

"I think so," I said, yanking out the dart, "except for this."  
--------------------------

_Like it? Don't worry, the funny will come. In fact, in the next chapter...._


	2. Things get worse

Fang POV.

By the time we got back to our camp, Gazzy, Iggy, and Angel were already there. I guess they didn't run into anyone our the way out like we did. Nudge was just sitting around, looking like she hadn't had much success at her task.

Needless to say, they all looked a wee bit surprised to see me fly in with Max in my arms.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Nudge asked, switching right into "worry" mode. "Are you OK? Is Max OK? She didn't get shot, did she? Or get hit on the head?" She paused, her face dropping from "worried" to "startled realization". "She's not...not..." she choked.

"Don't worry," I said, putting Max down next a tree, "she's not dead. She got hit with a dart," I tossed it to her, "and she said she felt woozy while we were flying back, so I carried her. She nodded off just before we got here." This seemed to put Nudge's mind at ease. I took out the hard drive I swiped for the lab and handed it to Nudge, "See what you can do with this, I'm gonna take care of Max." She nodded and hooked up the drive to my computer.

During this time the other three had been crowding around Max, trying to find out (in their own special way) what was wrong with her.

I felt it was my solemn duty to put their minds at ease (in my own special way).

"Guys, back off and give her some air," I said, practically pulling them off of her. "don't you two have something to go explode?" I asked, of course referring to Gazzy and Iggy. The shuffled off, muttering about how they like it better with Max in charge and stuff like that.

"Is Max gonna be alright?" Angel asked, looking very worried. She'd already "lost" Max once, I couldn't imagine what it might be like for her to go through it a second time.

"I don't think so," I said lamely, mentally kicking myself when I realized I said it. Then a thought struck me, "If she's anything like the Max I've always know, she won't let this thing keep her down for long." Angel seemed to perk up at this, but she could also just be putting on a brave face for my benefit. Seeing as how she can read minds and all.

A moment later Max groaned and her eyes fluttered open.

"Uh, what hit me?"

"A dart," I replied simply.

"Did you get it's license number?" she asked weakly. We both broke out into chuckles at this.

Yep, Max was still Max.

"I'm not sure yet," I said. "Nudge is trying to crack into that hard drive we got form the lab, but it shouldn't be to much longer until get something to work with.

"Before I die, right?" she asked, voicing the unspoken thoughts in the back of my mind.

"Not if I have anything to do about it," I said resolutely. Then in a mock serious whisper, I asked, "Has Angel been giving you mind-reading lessons behind my back?"

"No," she smirked, "but that's what I'd be thinking if I were you right now." She chuckled ruefully and added, "Probably with more spazzing."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I said, and leaned in to kiss her. I figured that since there was the possibility that this was her last night on earth, I might as well say thanks. Besides, she'd gotten to kiss me when I was battered and bruised from that beating Ari gave me.

Then I heard gagging and groaning from the bushes and my eyes shot open. (More from surprise then from being embarrassed.) I grabbed a pine-cone that was lying around and hurled it in the direction of the sound. I heard an "Ow", and Gazzy's head popped up, followed a second later by Iggy's.

"I thought I told guys to go somewhere else," I yelled at them, feeling miffed at the interruption.

"We did, but we used all our bombs to blow up the lab," Iggy said. "By the way, how was the explosion?"

"It was big, I guess. I don't know."

"You mean you didn't notice!?" Gazzy practically screamed. "Why not?" I nodded my head towards Max.

"Oh," Gazzy and Iggy both said.

"Now if you don't mind..." I said, hinting at them to leave.

They didn't move.

"GO!" I screamed, and they took off running. "Now, where were we?" I said, turning back only to find Max had fallen asleep. "See you in the mourning," I said, and sat down next to her.

Hopefully things would look better in the mourning.

---------------------------------

The next mourning, things had not gotten better. In fact you might say things had gotten decidedly worse.

Max had not been feeling good at all when she woke up, saying that she felt like she had to puke.

And she did. For a good hour, in fact.

After she was done she went back to then tree, complaining that she was to tired to do anything. While she rested I went to see if Nudge made any progress with the hard drive.

"Any luck?" I asked.

"Not much," she said. "It looks like the building was mostly used for counting money and things like that."

"You mean an administrative office?"

"Yeah, one of those. Anyways, there's still a lot of data here to go through, and I don't think there was even anything useful here to begin with." Yeah, that made things better.

"Well, keep trying, I'm going to go take breakfast orders."

Nudge squealed with delight and said she wanted waffles. I reminded her that we weren't making a fire in case anyone survived the lab explosion and went to find Gazzy, Angel, and Iggy.

When I found them they all said they wanted cereal (as did Nudge) and went to check on Max. She was still sitting by the tree.

"Hey there," she said as walked up to her.

"Hey yourself," I retorted. "I was just taking breakfast orders, want anything?"

"Yeah, pickles."

Pickles? For breakfast?

"OK," I said slowly.

"And ice-cream."

OK, I know we have to eat a lot because of our bird-like metabolisms, but even our culinary genius (Iggy) doesn't come up with combinations that weird.

"And wasabi."

WHAT!

"Aren't they those super hot peas from Japan?" I asked, flabbergasted. She just nodded.

"And oranges."

"Fine," I sighed, "I'll get those too."

Wait," she said as I started to walk away, and added "and fish-sticks."

"Anything else?" I asked, hoping against hope she was through.

She wasn't.

"Cheetos."

"FANG!" Nudge called, running into the clearing. "Fang!" _(Glances over at Max)_ "Oh, hi Max." _(Back to Fang)_ "Fang, I think I found something."

Finally, something good.

"Well, go ahead, spill it."

"I don't know," she said uneasily, "you might not like it."

"Nudge, any news at this point is good news." Truthfully, I just needed to hear something other than Max's grocery list.

"Well, I was looking through some of the journals of the hard drive, and I found this." She turned my computer towards me and I saw there was a bunch of text on the screen.

My heart stopped.

"Nudge," I said blankly, "have Angel watch Max, then meet me in the air." As I took off I thought, "Why, oh why does this have to happen to me?"

_The journal entry...._

_Today I had a brilliant stroke of genius. Perhaps even my crowning achievement._

_I've just come up with an idea on how to educate people on pregnancy. It deals with manipulating the hormones to simulate the more common symptoms, thereby giving the subject an idea of what is to come._

_Further details as it is developed.  
_ ---------------------------

_Hey everyone, Layman here! Thanks for bearing with me through the first chapter. I know it wasn't laugh-a-minute thrills, (two words, _di'ffrent strokes_), but that stuff should be picking up from here on out._

_I will be taking a breif hiatus to work on another story, but I'll try to get back to this one as soon as possible. God bless and see you next time!_


	3. What's gonna happen now?

"MAX IS PREGNANT!" shouted three very surprised, very mortified bird kids.

"Shhhhhhh!" I said, trying to keep them from waking Max up. (She conked out after she ate her weird creation.) "She's not actually pregnant, she's just...Nudge, you read those journals, what exactly is going on?" I asked. Nudge has a tendency run her mouth, so we'd probably get all caught up in no time.

"Well, I don't really understand most of it, but it looks like Max is going to be acting just like if she really is pregnant. You know; weird cravings (or at least weirder than normal), mood swings, being tired a lot, stuff like that."

"So she'll be experiencing all the symptom without actually being pregnant," Iggy asked.

"Uh huh."

"Why would anybody want to do that?!" The Gasman gaped.

"Does it really matter right now?" I snapped. I turned back to Nudge, "Did it say anything about how long this thing last, or even if it goes away at all?"

"I'm not sure," she said uncertainly, "I think so. I don't really remember."

"Well, look into it," I delegated. "The rest of us are going to help Max in any way we can." I let out a huge sigh, "Something tells me this isn't going to get easier."

"So what so we do?" Angel asked.

"Pray."

----------------------------

"Faaaaaaaaang!" Max called.

I swear, she tries to give me another insane grocery list...

"Yeah," I said as I walked up to the tree she had now taken residence by, trying not to sound frustrated or annoyed.

"Could you sit with me for a while?"

It was getting harder.

"Sure, why note?" I said, seating myself down next to her. "Did you want to talk about something?"

"No," she said, "I just wanted to spend some time with you."

"Oh." Well, this was going to be exciting.

"It just seems like we're always doing something nowadays, like we never have time to just sit down and relax. I mean, we're always either trying to destroy Itex or are on the run from it. Don't you just feel like it would be great to pick someplace and just stay there?" Wait, did she mean...

"Max, didn't you say it was a bad idea to do that when I asked that?"

"I know, but a girl can change her mind, right?"

"I guess so," I said. "I guess you just never seemed that girly."

In retrospect, I really shouldn't have said that.

"Oh, so now I'm not a girl anymore?"

"Yeah. Wait, no!" I said, unsure of what I just did. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Really," she said incredulously, "then how did you mean it?"

Boy, was I in a rut.

"I'm not quite sure I should answer that," I said slowly.

"That's fine then," she began. "No, it's totally fine. I mean, why should you have to answer any of my questions? It's not like I save the world every frickin' day!" She stood up at this point. "I'm on the run from the supreme-est of the supreme weirdos, I fight freaking mutant wolf-men for crying out loud! Why should I have a simple courtesy like that?!"

Yeah, this was going well.

"Max, I didn't mean-" I said, trying to console her.

She slapped me.

She really slapped me, right across the face.

Hard.

For a moment both of us just stood there; me looking stunned and Max looking angry.

"Just go," she said finally, tears falling down her cheeks, "leave me alone."

Then she took off through the forest, running as fast as she could.

"Max!" I shouted, but to no avail.

Suddenly I heard Nudge running up and shouting "Max, Fang!"

"What is it?" I asked as burst into the small clearing.

"Our worries are over! Apparently the serum (or whatever the stuff in the dart was) isn't permanent! Here, look," she held the laptop out of me to see, "it says right here it only lasts for about twenty-four hours, so Max should be all better by tomorrow! By the way," she looked around, "where is Max?"

"She just ran off in that direction," I said, pointing in the general direction Max went. I grinned sheepishly, "I think I might have made her made at me, but never mind that. Go get Iggy and tell him to meet me in the air right now." Max would probably be balling her eyes out by now, and Iggy had better ears than all of us. Even a bats'.

At least that's what he bragged all the time.

"OK," she said, folding the laptop under her arm and dashing off to where Iggy was, shouting his name.

One of these day either me or Max would have to have a talk with her about volumn.

A minute later me and Iggy were up in the air, frantically looking for the unstable (kind of) pregnant girl.

---------------------------

Later that night we were all sitting around a fire eating s'mores. I was telling everyone what had happened with Max earlier.

Actually, Iggy was doing most of the telling.

"...So then we flew over half the valley before we found her sitting underneath this little waterfall. And she was just sitting there, water pouring down on her!"

"Seriously?" Gazzy asked, wide-eyed.

"Yeah, and then Fang actually went underneath to try and get her out!"

"Anyways," I interrupted, "I apologized for whatever I might have done or said that might have offended her." Max glanced at me lovingly.

"And it was very sweet he did too," she said, taking a bite out of her salsa covered s'more.

We all gagged as she did, but then we put it out of mind and continued the conversation.

"I'm just glad that Max won't be pregnant for much longer," Nudge said, "my arms are like, super sore from carrying all those grocery bags."

Everyone laughed at that.

"I'm glad this won't last much longer either," Max said. "Now that I thing about it, it was awful to suddenly wake up and find out I was going to give birth. I don't think I could handle it just yet."

"That's to bad," Angel sighed, "I was really hoping I was going to have a new little sister." Her eyes lit up and with a straight face she asked, "Max could you get pregnant for real?"

We all fainted.  
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_Hey there, everybody, Layman here! I bet you're all wondering when the next chapter is coming. Let me save you the trouble by saying that this is the last chapter of this story. _

_I know, sad but true. _

_Metallica reference aside, if you have any requests (i.e. subjects you would like me to write humorous little anecdotes about) feel free to P.M. me or say os in a review. _

_Also, I cannot stress nearly enough for you to read "Angel's Story". Don't let the size (it's the biggest story I've written for FFN so far) or the warning in the summery put you off. I worked hard on it and would appreciate if some people reviewed it, even if they aren't shining reviews singing my praises. Just tell me what you thought. _

_And if you think Max and the flock should visit Atlantis (SGA), jot down a review for that one too. _

_God bless!_


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